These tips were published on PsychCentral.com.
Breathe consciously
As soon as we become stressed, we start breathing faster and more shallowly. This only intensifies the stress response, raises our heart rate, and further overstimulates the brain. To avoid these issues, you should practise conscious breathing. Focus on slow, deep, and steady breaths, with an emphasis on a long exhale.
Focus on the core issue, not specific words or phrases used by the other person
In a tense conversation, sharp language or serious accusations are often expressed. These are typically driven by the frustration of one or more participants. Don't react to specific words or sentences; instead, concentrate on the core of the issue. Try to understand what the other party is actually concerned about and disregard any harsh language, provided, of course, that it does not cross an unacceptable line.
Calmly summarise the objective facts
A good way to defuse a conversation is to return to the beginning of the issue and summarise the objective facts. For example, go step by step through what happened, what actions were taken, and how the current situation arose. This summary can help calm the discussion, slow its pace, and allow participants to view the issue in a broader context.
If possible, postpone the conversation
If the situation cannot be calmed, it might be wise to pause the conversation and resume it later. Meeting again even an hour later or the following day may be sufficient. By then, emotions could have subsided, allowing for a more constructive and composed dialogue.
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